I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts a couple of weeks ago – Pillow talk with Papa B and Candice Brathwaite – when Candice made a very provocative statement. She said she doesn’t believe a single woman can raise a boy. You can imagine my initial shock. She didn’t defend her statement or elaborate on it in any way. She went on to say that her mum raised her brother as a single mother and so she was making the statement even with that fact a part of her life. 

It goes without saying that I disagree. I believe a woman can raise a boy and give him everything he needs – but here’s the caveat – I also believe in the idiom that it takes a village to raise a child. And I further believe one of the reasons for all the issues we have in society today comes from the fact that everyone is trying to do it on their own. As humans, we are social creatures, designed to live in a community and be a part of the bigger picture. With this new “do it all yourself” culture, we’re inhibiting our children from learning from their grandparents, other parents and their peers. 

We look like we’re expanding socially with play dates and meet ups but have you ever seen a parent discipline a friend’s child? It doesn’t happen…because we’re all too scared to say anything to someone else’s child. I grew up being corrected by my parent’s friends and I think I was all the better for it. My parents also knew that there were other adults looking out for me when I was out and about. Anyway, I digress, that is a whole other blog post about how we all need to step up and raise our children together. 

Going back to the village though…I have no doubt I could raise my son on my own…but why would I want to? By giving him a village, I am providing him with that many more people he can learn from, why limit him to just me? And in that village are male figures. Men he can look up to, men he respects and men who teach him things. There often seems to be this delusion that a son needs a father and while in an ideal divorce, a father would choose to prioritise his child, this doesn’t always happen. As a good friend once said to me, no dad is better than a bad dad…and I wholeheartedly agree.

More importantly, since the beginning of time, it has usually been a matriarchal society with women raising their children alone while men went out to work. There are societies where it didn’t matter who your biological father was, as long as children had a male figure in their village that they could look up to. I’m aware there are statistics that say boys have a higher chance of delinquent behaviour (and the likes) but statistics are broad strokes and most definitely don’t take individual cases into consideration. The statistics for delinquent behaviour are actually higher in boys who live in a 2-parent hostile home.

Back to my initial argument, I believe that women are the ones that can best teach a boy how to be a man. And this includes everything from keeping his ego in check to teaching him how to respect all women. Is it tricky raising a boy on my own? Ofcourse it is! I’ve had to learn my “Hazards” from my “Ronaldos” and understand what corners and goal kicks are. I’ve stood out in the rain watching him play football, held my nose when he’s taken off his football boots and watched his insatiable appetite when we go out to eat. I am the breadwinner, the role model, the nurturer and the disciplinarian. I make all the decisions (a huge weight on my shoulders) about education, health and my child’s welfare. It’s tough but it’s not impossible. I’m able to do this because I’m blessed with a supportive family who understand how important it is for a child to have a village and play active roles in my son’s life. And it’s not just the child who needs the village, I need it too. We can only parent to the best of our ability when our cup is overflowing. That means taking/making time for ourselves when we need it, ditching the guilt and leaning on those around us for support. Single mum or not, we were not built to live and raise our families in isolation.

When S started reception 2 years ago, I decided to go back to work full time. It had been a while and truth be told, I missed working/having some sort of purpose beyond him. However, with the cost and inflexibility of child care, especially in London, it makes going back to full time work quite difficult, especially as a single parent. It was then that I looked into getting an au pair. I sought the assistance of a friend’s nanny and after going through a few CVs, I came across Belen – a 25 year old Spanish girl who’d been an au pair before and wanted to come back to London.

She started in October 2016 and it wasn’t long before she was very much a member of our family. She ate dinner with us, taught S a few Spanish words, dropped him to school and picked him up. She was interested in learning how to cook Indian food and when Christmas came around, 4 year old S was very excited as I took him shopping to buy her a present. I cried when she left.

An au pair is supposed to be a cultural exchange, where a young person comes to live with you and in return for boarding and lodging, they provide childcare services, acting as a big brother/sister to your child. It’s typically 25-30 hours a week for approximately £80-£120 per week “pocket money” plus transport.

Belen left after 6 months (we’re still in touch), that was always the plan, and we then had two au pairs, Cindy and Damla. Both were here on an 11 month short term student visa from Indonesia and Turkey respectively, to better their English. We unfortunately had a negative experience with both of them. Cindy ignored me when I asked her not to give S juice from the carton she was drinking from, when I asked her not to buy him an ice cream and when I asked her not to give him crisps at 8:30am. She hung her dripping wet underwear on our bannisters and when she finally left, the room she had was in a state with period stains on the sheets. She lasted 2 weeks and I asked her to leave when she approached a friend at tennis camp, where she was picking S up, and asked her to book her an Uber home.

Damla arrived and spent 19 out of 24 hours in her room, which was a tip, with hair and bits of cotton wool mashed into the carpet. I’d have to ask her to clean the bathroom she shared with S 5 times before it was half-heartedly done and I regularly tidied up in the kitchen after her. I genuinely felt like I was paying her to stay with me and that she was only here because she wanted to live in Central London.

1 family, 3 different experiences – and this is what writing should be like – both sides of the story. I was shocked to come across a Guardian article by Rosie Cox (probably written to drum up some PR for her book “Au pairing in the 21st century”) where she described au pairing as “low paid domestic work”. The article is very one sided and from what I can tell, Rosie has gone onto various Facebook au pair groups, posting questions pretending to be a host mum to get some feedback for her article. It’s disappointing to see the Guardian publish such a biased view of what being an au pair is like.

Go onto FB au pair groups and you’ll see host families asking questions like “How can I make my au pair feel comfortable when she arrives?” and “What sort of goodies do you leave for your au pair in her room when she starts?” You also see posts from au pairs looking for a host family in London, ONLY in zone 1 or 2. Other posts have included points like “I will not do any house work”, “I will not work on weekends”, “I expect ATLEAST £150 a week”, “I’m coming over with my boyfriend and we’d like a family who wants both of us”, etc. There was a post where an au pair had gotten into university in Glasgow and so was looking for a host family there. For a student, 25 hours a week of childcare is not a lot to ask in return for free accommodation (WiFi, etc. included) and food while she studies at university. It’s a win win situation.

On another occasion, prior to Cindy starting, I had a girl approach me to be our au pair. She was working in Cambridge and intended to leave that family (working parents, 3 kids) with no notice. She wouldn’t let me get any references as she lied to the host mum saying she had to go home for a family emergency. I’ve also heard of stories where au pairs come home drunk at 4am and can’t wake up to take the child to school the next day and other instances where they’ve stolen from host families and then done a runner.

Like with anything in life, there are two sides to a story. Of course, you’ll have host families who mistreat their au pairs but an au pair has a choice – he/she can leave at any time they like, usually with 2 weeks notice. Responsible journalism would have given two sides to the story, not painted au pairs as “slaves” when I think the majority are actually quite happy and are living and working in a situation that suits their needs, as well as the needs of their host family.

When did we move from aspiring to be a yummy mummy to instead being proud of being a slummy mummy? Every time I scroll through Instagram, I come across posts of bloggers talking about their pile of laundry, their dirty kitchen counter or their unmade bed. And it’s said with such pride…like they’re winning at parenting because they don’t give a shit about the state of their home.

A few years ago, blogs like Hurrah for Gin and the Unmumsy mum came about and they took off because they showed the realities of parenthood. When you have a new baby in the house, the house keeping does tend to take a back seat and your priorities are then aligned with the baby. But at some point, as more and more bloggers got in on the act, all proclaiming to be even slummier than the last, I think we’ve got to a point now where what started as a healthy dose of reality has become an obsession to be the most inept. “You think you have a dirty worktop…I’ll meet your dirty work top and raise you with yesterdays peas still all over the kitchen floor!” And this is the sort of thing that is going up on the ‘gram.

At the risk of ruffling a few feathers, most of the mums parading their slummy ways are invariably middle class. Mums who can afford child care, mums with their own businesses and mums who work flexibly. If a more working class mother was drinking a G&T in a tin on the train from Hove up to London, she wouldn’t be seen as cool, she’d be brandished as cheap. And many of these bloggers are showing off their “slummy” homes in Boden skirts and H&M dresses with Farrow and Ball walls and La Redoute rugs.

The fact is, many of these Insta parents striving to outdo one another with their candour and stories of ineptness are in fact devoted and hard working individuals. So why the desire to downplay your situation? When did it become cooler to have a messy bedroom and a dirty kitchen? When did it become uncool to be house proud and tidy up after yourself?

When visiting Thailand in December, rather than spend all our time in Bangkok, we decided to head out to nearby Rayong for a few days. Why Rayong? Well I’d heard Pattaya was overcrowded and the water wasn’t particularly clean. The other option was Hua Hin but upon doing some research, I found that Rayong was much cleaner and we could visit another island from there too.

Rayong is a 3 hour drive from Bangkok and is on the coast. It’s a very quiet town, so if you’re looking for a party, Rayong is not the place to go. However, I was travelling with my family so it was ideal as it would suit multi-generations. One of the best resorts to stay at in Rayong is the Marriott. However, we chose not to stay there as it is quite far from the city centre. Perfect if all you want to do is stay at the resort and soak up some sun but we like venturing out so found somewhere closer to the city.

We stayed at Kantaray Bay in a 2 bedroom serviced apartment. Although the apartment was slightly dated, it was clean and had everything we needed. I prefer staying in an apartment when travelling with S because it means when he goes to bed early, there’s a separate living area to sit in and of course having a kitchen is always helpful when travelling with children. Breakfast was included and the spread was quite large – Asian, Continental, American and European. The hotel/serviced apartments also had a gym and two pools.

We decided to break our journey down to Rayong by stopping at The Cartoon Network waterpark and spending the day with friends who happened to be in Thailand at the same time. If you’ve read my blog for a while, you’ll know just how much I LOVE a waterpark – Dubai, Tenerife, Center Parcs, you literally have to drag me out of there. The best thing about The Cartoon Network waterpark was how empty it was. We didn’t have to wait more than 5 minutes for any ride. It’s super child friendly! They have a massive play area as soon as you enter for younger children with a pool (and waves) behind it. The waterpark is quite small and very easy to get around but they still manage to fit quite a bit in. I finally conquered my fear and went down the vertical shoot – you stand in it and the floor just comes away from under you. I got into it and out again twice before I finally did it and I can report back to say it looks far worse than it is. When you’re all tired out, they have some great pizza and the most amazing crepe which they serve with condensed milk (my weakness!!) Good thing you had to climb lots of stairs for every slide so I felt like I got my workout in to make up for the yumminess that is condensed milk! 😉

We left the waterpark around 4:30 and were at our apartment in Rayong by 6ish. 3-4 days in Rayong is probably enough. Although our resort is on the coast, it doesn’t really have much of a beach. So if you fancy lying on a beach, the closest one is Laem Mae Phim. We decided instead to kill two birds with one stone and head to the beach on Koh Sahmet Island. A 40 minute drive to the pier, a 30 minute boat ride, a 20 minute walk and we were on the beach in Koh Sahmet.  Like most beaches in Thailand, it caters to tourists so expect over-priced food, drinks and pretty much anything else you need to buy. It’s also quite a short beach with tourist boats pulling in every 100 metres. The water however is gorgeous and the sand is soft. Expect to see lots of Chinese tourists jetting in and out on speed boats as well as endless (!!!!) “selfie queens”. We were really lucky with the weather, it was a glorious 29 degrees the day we headed out to the island.

Exhausted from a day spent at the waterpark followed by a day heading to the island, we decided to take a day out and head to one of the malls, followed by foot massages. We also explored some local markets – I love taking in the culture, sights, sounds and smells of different cities we visit but word of warning, the smell of dried fish is very, very strong! The fruit however, amazing! My favourite being preserved guava.

On our final day we headed to Khao Chamao-Khao Wong National Park – approximately 90 minutes from Rayong city centre. The idea was to see the waterfalls and the caves. However, with a grandparent and grandchild in tow, the climb was all a bit much. It was probably one of my favourite days though. I loved hiking and climbing through the trees and we got to see quite a lot on the way up, even if we didn’t get to the top.

I don’t think I’d go back to Rayong again, once is enough to see it all, but if you’re looking for a short trip away from the main city and you don’t fancy dealing with hordes of tourists, then Rayong is the place for you!

A few months ago, there was uproar on the internet because H&M featured a little black boy (am I allowed to call him that?!) in a sweater that said “Cheeky little monkey”. I didn’t get what the big deal was. I later learnt that people felt offended because in the past, people of colour (specifically black people) have often been referred to as “monkeys”. I am not insensitive to racism. When I moved to school in Ireland in 1997, I had my fair share of racist slurs thrown at me. But I see racism as another person’s lack of culture and ignorance, not as a reflection of me. The fact that the model was a minor and his mum signed off on it should be enough shouldn’t it?! Following the Twitter storm, there was a video of a group of kids who ran through an H&M store trashing it. This is the other bit I don’t understand. We want the world to see us in the best light even when we’re happy to be doing something that’s dark. There are ways to protest and ways to stand up for what you believe is wrong. Trashing a store because they put what many just saw as a little boy in a sweater that said “monkey”, something most of us call our kids, is not the way to go about it.

This is just one example, there are so many I notice on the internet on a daily basis. Someone just has to sneeze the wrong way and everyone’s criticising it. Just look at the amount of criticism the Duchess of Cambridge got earlier this week. I’m all for empowering women and supporting #thisgirlcan. I am a woman after all and women have been marginalised for far too long. However, I have a son and I recently saw an ad that left me quite surprised. Mainly because I don’t see anyone going on about it. It’s for Direct Line. The DL man tells a couple that a taxi is going to take them home after an accident. He then says to the wife…”Aren’t you forgetting your donkey?” The wife looks at her husband who’s shuffling over carrying ALL the luggage and holiday paraphernalia and the DL man goes “No, this one…” and hands her some sort of straw donkey she’s bought on holiday. So it’s okay to insinuate that a man is a donkey and no one has anything to say about it? Is it because men don’t take themselves so seriously? Or women think carrying of the bags is a man’s job? Or if it’s not about them then why bother protesting?

There are definitely things we need to be protesting about – sexual harassment, lack of gun laws in America, lack of flexible working options for mother’s who want a work/child balance, rape, war, LGBTQ rights, the list is endless. But I think we need to pick our battles because we could be doing so much more with our time than feeling bad about something that had no malicious intent.

https://youtu.be/hEx6bDvmavc

This HILARIOUS video pretty much sums up how I feel about everyone being so PC – ridiculous!

What do you think? As a generation, have we become too sensitive? And is social media making us feel better or worse?

My Instagram feed yesterday was filled with pictures of exhausted mums, wondering how Kate Middleton was able to stand on the steps on the Lindo Wing, 7 hours after giving birth and look as amazing as she did. I went on to read some papers who thought she was making normal mums feel like shit by looking so amazing (the same papers who would have crucified her if she came out in tracksuit bottoms and a mum bun). Firstly, what is normal? And secondly, no one else can really make you feel shit but yourself.

What people seem to forget is that a) she has a make up artist and hair dresser who helped her look like that b) she has a team at home to support her c) she didn’t do a 1hr meet and greet, it was 1 minute on the steps d) she is a PRINCESS and in all likelihood, her husband will be the King in the next decade or two.

I think she looked amazing, I think lots of women look as good leaving the hospital, they’re not just in the media’s eye with millions of people waiting to catch a glimpse of their baby. I believe if any one of those mums posting pictures had what Kate has, they’d be doing the exact same thing.

The Royal Princess is a role and she cannot be expected to come out, in front of the world’s media looking like a “normal” mum…and I’m surprised anyone thinks she should. Rather than judging her for “dissing” the sisterhood (not my words!), we should be respecting and supporting her as the “sisterhood” should!

Congratulations Kate, you DID look amazing and you play your role perfectly. Enjoy all the baby snuggles!

My baby snuggles a little over 6 years ago!

Bangkok, although known for its red light district, lady boys and cosmetic surgery, also makes for a great family vacay. We spent a few weeks in Thailand over Christmas and we still didn’t get to see all of Bangkok. With the gorgeous weather in December (not too hot), we chose to do a lot more outdoorsy things but if you’re visiting with kids in April, May or June, when it’s scorching, I’ve included a few indoor things to do as well.

Here’s my top 8 things to do in Bangkok (in no particular order):

1 Take a boat ride along the Chao Phraya River – Children love to take everything in and often while we’re so busy trying to “do” so much on holiday, it’s good to just “be”. There’s five different express boat options (no flag, blue flag, yellow flag, green flag, orange flag). Jump on one depending on where you’d like to go and take in all the sights along the river.

2 Wat Arun (Temple of the Dawn) – There are sooo many Wats (Buddhist temples) to choose from and we saw a few but the most famous one along the river is Wat Arun (you can’t miss it, it’s beautiful). It’s worth visiting and taking in the Buddhist culture. The steps up the central prang are quite steep but worth the effort.

3 Asiatique – Famous for its Ferris Wheel, Asiatique is an outdoor Riverside project, combining eating, dining, sightseeing and activities for the whole family. It’s only open from 4pm until midnight. For some great local grub, the perfect gifts for your friends back home and a ride on the Ferris Wheel to take in the Bangkok skyline, Asiatique is well worth the visit.

4 Bounce – Some days you need the kids to burn off energy while you just SIT! Bounce is the ideal place – as the name suggests, Bounce is a trampoline park located in the The Street Shopping Mall at Ratchada BTS station. 5,600 sq. m of bouncing space means your kids will have the time of their life! Book in advance as it fills up quite quickly, especially over the holiday period.

5 Children’s Discovery Museum – We didn’t actually make it there on our last trip but it is definitely somewhere we intend to visit the next time we’re in Bangkok. Located in Chatuchak Park, it’s an interactive learning centre, encouraging children to ask questions about how the world works. Sounds just like the type of place S would love.

6 Siam Paragon – Hands down the best mall in Bangkok. And really, no trip is complete without visiting at least one mall while in Asia. What I love about the malls in Asia are just how much emphasis goes into decorating them. We were there at Christmas and the honestly, Oxford Street has nothing on some of the décor in Asia. The second thing I love about the malls there is the fact that my favourite American stores have a presence – Bath and Body Works – enough said! They also have a fantastic food court, definitely check it out if you’re visiting.

7 Last but not least, check out a show (there are so many to choose from, your hotel should be able to guide you). These are not family friendly (if you have young kids) but I’ve been to one on a previous trip to Bangkok and it’s just one of those things that you have to do – after all, Bangkok is practically known for Ladyboy shows.

8 Get a massage – another thing Thailand is known for are the massages. At only £10-£15 for a one hour oil massage, it’s very affordable and very very good! Don’t be surprised if you end up craving a massage every day!!

The traffic in this capital city is horrendous at peak times. A 15 minute drive could take an hour if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. Where possible, take the BTS. Yes, it gets crowded but it’s super quick, very efficient and even at rush hour, I managed to get on the first train that pulled into the platform, with S in tow. The river boats are also another great way to get from one point to another (along the river of course).

There are some amazing bars (Sky Bar, Maggie Choo’s) and restaurants (Gaggan, Din Tai Fung) worth checking out. I’ll leave them for another post.

Oh and before I sign off, one thing I have to say about Thailand in general which may sound bizzare to many but is very important to me is “toilets”! Having travelled through India and China, I sort of expected similar toilets in Thailand but boy was I wrong. Everywhere we went, the toilets were so clean, I was genuinely surprised. In some places they may have been wet (near the beach in Koh Samet for example) but always clean. That’s a total win for Thailand in my books!

We’re planning to go back to Bangkok later this year – are there any places you’d recommend that we missed?

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