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“A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, in 2015.”

S and his bestie monkeying around at the playground. Making the most of the beautiful London summer :)

Raising independent boys

I stumbled upon a very thought provoking read yesterday. You can read the full article here. To be honest, I think the title is totally misleading. It should probably read “I wish I taught my Indian son the value of a woman.” Instead the title was “I taught my daughter to be an independent woman but I regret bringing her up like that.” Never the less, it was an interesting read.

While the situation that occurred can happen in any family, in any part of the world, the author wasn’t wrong when she generalised the ideology of Indian men. I am an Indian and let me just say that the opinions I am about to share are a generalisation (and in fact there are some amazing Indian men) but the basis behind my opinions do exist. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it, it’s still very common.

In many households, boys are not expected to do much around the house. And as the author mentioned, in the last generation, the women were expected to do everything. With this generation, thankfully many parents changed. They encouraged their daughters to dream big and go out there to achieve whatever their hearts desired. The boys however got left behind. I once spoke to a woman who I considered fairly “modern” in her thinking…her daughter was a go-getter and was encouraged to follow her dreams. But when referring to the ways of her house, she said “The men in my family don’t enter the kitchen and they’re not expected to.” I remember being stunned and wondering how she could have such different standards for her two children.

She’s not the only one. It’s very common for Indian women, even those working full time, to pull the bulk of the weight in the house. And sadly it’s what’s expected of them…by their own mothers, their mother in laws and their husbands.

We live in the 21st century people and yet the expectations we place on our girls is that of a by-gone era. And what about the boys? Shouldn’t your boys know how to clean up after themselves, do their laundry, boil an egg? Why would you encourage your girls independence and limit your boys? Don’t they deserve to be all rounders as well? Don’t they deserve to be capable? To look after themselves?

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I’m not just addressing this to Indian mums but to all mums. Give your boys the independence you encourage your girls to have. They’re as capable. I’ve heard the phrase “mums and their boys”…I “know” the phase…I have a son! There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. But the one thing I will insist on is him being independent. So he doesn’t actually “need” a woman to do things for him. He doesn’t need a woman to make him his breakfast, cook him dinner or massage his ego. He might be lucky to find a woman who wants to do all of that for him, but it’ll be her choice. And they’ll be lucky to have each other because I hope to raise a boy who will do as much for his wife as she will do for him.

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“A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, in 2015.”

It’s been a hectic 2 weeks so here are 2 pictures from this week. Both taken at my cousins civil wedding this afternoon.

#HappyQuacks Linky Wk 10

Hello people and welcome to the #happyquacks linky, week 10!!

I have absolutely loved running this linky and reading all your happy posts and finding lots of new bloggers. Unfortunately this will be my last week for a little while. New work (and other) commitments over the next few weeks means I simply won’t have the time I need to run #happyquacks. I want to be able to give it my all and my time doesn’t allow that. This isn’t a goodbye to this linky but merely a “see ya soon”.

Thanks to all those who linked up last week, I really appreciate all the support and love reading your posts. Here are my 3 favourites:

  1. All past midnight’s post about tips for baking with your pre verbal child. Baking is one of those things I said I’d do more often and somehow time has a way of getting away from us. Although we do bake, this post has inspired me to try and do it more regularly. Whether it’s cookies, muffins or a cake, most children love the process of mixing and pouring.
  2. I love Silly Mummy’s post about her toddler speaking for her baby. It’s amazing to see the relationship between siblings start to form. I’m sure it’ll be a very special one.
  3. One YummyMummy’s post about her top five baby tunes had me giggling. Mainly because S’s absolutely favourite       songs are “Gangnam Style” and “Uptown Funk”. He’s also partial to “Let it go” these days.

On to this week’s linky…

This week I’m linking up with a post about the joys of leaving my phone behind (when I’m out with S).

I host this linky with Rod over at Moderndadpages. This linky is open to all and every post you’ve ever written about anything that makes you happy. It could be your kids, your spouse, your family, your holiday, whatever it is that makes you happy.

Each week I’ll pick 3 of my favourite posts and they’ll get a little shout out in the following week’s link up post.

I don’t want to set any hard and fast rules BUT linky’s only work if you share the love so please comment on at least one of our posts and maybe 2-3 others that have linked up using the hashtag #happyquacks. Put the badge on the bottom of your post and lastly, if you tweet us your URL (using the hashtag #happyquacks), we’ll happily retweet all your posts. (@mamaduckquacks and @moderndadpages)

It would also make us happy if you followed us on Twitter and Facebook.

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#HappyQuacks Linky Wk 9

Hello people and welcome to the #happyquacks linky, week 9!! I can’t believe we’re already near Mid-August. Everyone in the UK loves to complain about the weather (even in the summer! Its too hot haha) but I suppose it gives us something to talk about ;-) Although I’m not a big fan of the heat, the summer and all the adventure it brings is always a happy time.

Thanks to all those who linked up last week, I really appreciate all the support and love reading your posts. Here are my 3 favourites:

1. Cuddle fairy’s post “Mean what you say” spoke to me this week. Kids are smart, sometimes as adults we don’t give them enough credit. So even when rewarding and “punishing”, it’s important to be smart about it and follow through with what we say.

2. Angela’s (Days in bed) post about finding her inner artist scared me a little because it shows what an influence a teacher can have on a child’s life. Thankfully for her it’s not too late and she’s found her passion/talent but not before having it knocked out of her as a child.

3. Children want to have fun…they want to laugh and run and swim and jump and more than often, none of the things that really make them happy, cost anything. I loved this post by Rockin’ Random Mom – My top 10 things to do with the kids without spending money.

On to this week’s linky…

This week I’m linking up with a post about my favourite time of day.

I host this linky with Rod over at Moderndadpages. This linky is open to all and every post you’ve ever written about anything that makes you happy. It could be your kids, your spouse, your family, your holiday, whatever it is that makes you happy.

Each week I’ll pick 3 of my favourite posts and they’ll get a little shout out in the following week’s link up post.

I don’t want to set any hard and fast rules BUT linky’s only work if you share the love so please comment on at least one of our posts and maybe 2-3 others that have linked up using the hashtag #happyquacks. Put the badge on the bottom of your post and lastly, if you tweet us your URL (using the hashtag #happyquacks), we’ll happily retweet all your posts. (@mamaduckquacks and @moderndadpages)

It would also make us happy if you followed us on Twitter and Facebook.

#happyquacks will go live on a Wednesday evening (9pm GMT) until Sunday evening (9pm GMT).

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“A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, in 2015.”

Sippin’ on his mocktail at my cousins baby shower :)

#HappyQuacks Linky Wk 8

Hello people and welcome to the #happyquacks linky, week 8!! A bit like my baby growing up, it’s gone by so quickly!

Thanks to all those who linked up last week, I really appreciate all the support and love reading your posts. Here are my 3 favourites:

1. Nonnie by Hectic Dad is a beautiful tribute to his grandmother. This post brought tears to my eyes. The relationship between grandchild and grandparent is a beautiful one. It’s a long read but totally worth it.

2. Dan at Style with substance wrote a great post about things she wants to tell her pregnant friends. I wrote a similar post a couple of years ago so I could totally resonate with her post…great advice.

3. Carly aka mummy wrote an interesting post about creating a baby sensory environment at home. Although classes are a great way to meet other mummy’s and get yourself and baby out of the house, there are days where it’s easier to create a class like environment at home.

On to this week’s linky…

This week I’m linking up with a post to all mama’s out there!

I host this linky with Rod over at Moderndadpages. This linky is open to all and every post you’ve ever written about anything that makes you happy. It could be your kids, your spouse, your family, your holiday, whatever it is that makes you happy.

Each week I’ll pick 3 of my favourite posts and they’ll get a little shout out in the following week’s link up post.

I don’t want to set any hard and fast rules BUT linky’s only work if you share the love so please comment on at least one of our posts and maybe 2-3 others that have linked up using the hashtag #happyquacks. Put the badge on the bottom of your post and lastly, if you tweet us your URL (using the hashtag #happyquacks), we’ll happily retweet all your posts. (@mamaduckquacks and @moderndadpages)

It would also make us happy if you followed us on Twitter and Facebook.

#happyquacks will go live on a Wednesday evening (6pm GMT) until Sunday evening (6pm GMT).

Mamaduckquacks
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My favourite time of day

My favourite time of day is 7pm…yes that’s the time S goes to bed but it’s not for reasons you think.

At 7pm I get the biggest cuddles of the day and as I sit beside S until he falls asleep, in those quiet moments, in the dark, he goes through his day with me. While we were on holiday it went something like this…

S: Mama, do you remember today we went swimming and I came down the big slide like this…whoosh, very fast.
Me: Yes S, I remember. Did you have fun?
S: Yes, it was so much fun!

7 seconds later…

S: Mama, do you remember today I went on the horsey and I told the man I don’t want to go very fast.
Me: Yes S, I remember. You really enjoyed it.

7 seconds later…

S: Mama, do you remember today I ate fish fingers and chips and I ate it all in my tummy. It was so yummy!
Me: Yes, I remember.

5 seconds later…

S: Mama, do you remember…
Me (gently): Shhh…S, it’s time to nini now.

Silence…and he falls asleep.

And on days he isn’t telling me about his day, he sings his own little songs, parts of “Let it go”, “Do you want to build a snowman” or “Uptown Funk” as he slips into the land of nod. And in those moments, in the quiet dark room, all my frustrations of the day slip away.

Parenting is a relentless job and by 7pm I am knackered! All I want to do is put him to bed and pour myself a glass of wine. But for those 10 minutes before he falls asleep, I sit and listen to him and realise this is my favourite time of day and I cherish it. <3

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“A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, in 2015.”

Sporting a new hair cut, he was bike riding around our local playground when he stopped and asked me to take his picture! No idea where he gets his vanity from?! ;)

A sticker for your hard work

S absolutely loves stickers. When I was potty training, I used a sticker chart which really worked for us. His teacher at nursery inspired the idea because it was something they were doing there and I thought I’d carry it on at home. The other day he handed me a sticker and said “Mama, a sticker for your hard work.” I smiled and took it and the more I thought about it, I realised, we mama’s, we totally deserve it! And I don’t believe mothers give themselves enough credit for what they do and how hard they work.

So to all my mama’s out there, here’s a sticker for YOU, for everything.

For carrying and loving a baby for 9 months, giving birth, feeding, the emotions, the hormones, the sleepless nights.

For the shushing and patting, the rocking and the swaying. For their tears and ours!

For the colic and the gas. For walking our babies around in pushchairs to fall asleep, for driving our babies around to fall asleep. For the singing and humming, the lullaby’s and the nursery rhymes.

For the burping, the spit up and the pooing. Hell I’ve had poo all down my pyjamas, I think I deserve a sticker.

For the weaning, the steaming, picking pasta off their hair, picking pasta off the floor.

For the mess and the pureeing, for the bad backs bent over bath tubs, nights spent worrying about fevers and days spent worrying about naps.

For the classes and the songs. Because you know every nursery rhyme back to front.

For the Lego you have bought and the towers you have built. For the books that you read every night and the gadgets that you buy to make life that little bit easier.

For the ouchies that you’ve kissed better, for the tears you’ve wiped away.

For every time you woke in the night and every time you were woken before day break.

For the tantrums and the whining, the indecisiveness and the mind changing.

YOU, my fellow mama, deserve a sticker…for all your hard work! Because even though you don’t realise it, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!

We do it for the love, the kisses, the cuddles, the “I love you mama’s” and the hugs (oh the hugs are the best!) but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. It just means it’s totally worth it!

Domestic Momster
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