Who is the biggest creator of fear in our lives?

I met a friend last night for a catch up…it had been at least 6 months since the last time we caught up properly. Most of the time it’s just general chit chat. I am fascinated by her job and the work she does (she’s a doctor) and love asking her lot’s of different questions.

Yesterday however, conversation was much deeper and I left feeling completely enlightened. I haven’t had a conversation like that in a while and obviously I was enjoying myself because we met at 7:30pm and before I even had a chance to glance down at my phone, it was 11pm (and we were given the call of last orders).

One of the topics we talked about was fear and how much it can take over our lives. I went on a Chinmaya camp once and the biggest lesson I learnt was how much of our fears are inflicted upon us by ourselves. We can find so many different catalysts to base our fears on and yet peel away at the layers and we’ll always find ourselves at the bottom.

She went on to send me this very powerful clip from the movie Akeelah and the Bee.

Most of the fears we have come from our childhood. We don’t often remember the memory but our subconscious certainly does and brings it up to haunt us. As a mom, I try my very best not to project my fears onto S. To allow him to live fearlessly…even if that sometimes means I feel like my heart is running around in front of me. While it can be daunting to allow our children to take baby steps towards independence, they are very important steps.

Of course, it’s easy to say we should be living fearlessly but getting out of the rut is difficult for most. I think what I’ve learnt recently is that we need a higher goal, something that’s far more important to ourselves than the fear we hold on to. In my case, it’s S. While having a young child is a huge responsibility and no easy task, he is also my greatest source of courage.

It’s so easy to get sucked into the fear based parenting vortex. How do you overcome your fears and the fears you have for your children?

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

AMTOGG – Shelly Lefkoe

I’ve been participating in “A mother’s time out global gathering” (AMTOGG) this week and one of the talks I listened to was by Shelly Lefkoe.

Shelly believes that we can eradicate violence, aggression and bad behavior if we raise a conscious generation of children. The beliefs we instill in our children at a young age (specifically until they are 6-8 years old) are the beliefs that they will live with for the rest of their life.

She works with a lot of people who have self limiting beliefs and when she digs a little deeper, most of the time she finds out that the beliefs stem from a person’s childhood and most likely came from their parents. Parenting and specifically being a mom is a tough job. As mom’s we are responsible for the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual development of a human being! That’s a tall task!!

If our child comes up to us to show us something new and we repeatedly say “I’m cooking now, I’ll see it later” or “I’m trying to iron the clothes, I’ll look later”, eventually the child will start to believe that what they are doing or showing you is not good enough. Our children only want three things: Our acception, attention and acknowledgement.

The best piece of advice she offered was this: Tell your kids that they are not here to live up to other people’s expectations and what other people think doesn’t matter. The best question you can ask your child and instill in them to ask themselves in any situation is: What are the consequences of my actions?

Teaching our child to ask themselves this question from a young age will allow them to make better judgements as they grow older.

My-actions-are-my-only

You can listen to the conversations for up to 48 hours after each one. In case you don’t catch it, I’ll be doing a short summary of some of the speakers here.