I’ve always been a romantic, for as long as I can remember. When I was younger I’d imagine a fairytale wedding, a beautiful marriage, that one perfect person who would love me forever.
Gosh, with expectations that high, I should have known I was in for a rude awakening! I’d still like to think of myself as a romantic, but just with much more realistic expectations. So what changed? Me!
When I first moved back to London I remember many people telling me “Don’t let your experiences put you off marriage and love “. And I couldn’t for the life of me understand why anyone thought at the mere age of 30, I was going to be put off marriage and love. However, I was only 30, and what did I know? Because 2 years down the line, I have to admit, I was sort of put off.
BUT what I realised is, I’m not put off by the idea, I just stopped trusting myself. When you make a choice in life and that choice isn’t what you expected, there’s a sense of disappointment. And with that disappointment comes a lack of trust in yourself, and the belief that you may make another wrong choice. And I wanted to make damn sure that didn’t happen again. So I decided to work on me.
At my dad’s suggestion I read “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert. This is a wonderful book. I actually listened to the audio version and Liz is a joy to listen to. For anyone who’s been hurt in love, let down by their decisions or just single and sceptical about marriage in general, this is the book for you.
Einstein once said “Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result is insanity.” And I too realised that in order to make different choices, I had to be different. In my 20’s my choices came from a lack of assertiveness (on my part), from not knowing what I wanted and from allowing myself to be pushed around like a leaf in the wind. If I wanted to make better choices in my 30’s (and I mean choices about anything, not just love/marriage) then I had to know better. I have to know what I want, I have to stand my ground and I have to be unafraid.
But being these things is not always easy. We all need a little help along the way. Where does my help and inspiration come from? One person…Brooke Castillo. At the beginning of this year I stumbled upon Brooke’s podcast “The Life Coach School” podcast. She is absolutely amazing and everyone I have recommended her to has come back to say how inspired they feel listening to her. I refer to her as Brooke, as if she’s my buddy. And in some ways I feel like she is. When I listen to her podcasts at the gym, I feel like she is talking solely to me!
What she says is pretty profound. A lot of it is common knowledge but we forget. We allow our minds trick us, we fall into old habits, old patterns of thinking. It’s so much easier to fall backwards than it is to leap forwards. But leap we must! And change we must!
It’s really easy when you go through a divorce or any life changing event that hurts you to play the blame game. To find someone else to blame for how you’re feeling. But I can tell you, the only way to be happy is to change yourself. We can’t change other people (not for lack of trying) but ultimately our joy and our choices lie in our hands. And there’s no one who deserves our love more than ourselves.
Equipped with more knowledge and a far better understanding of myself, I have no doubt that the choices I make in my 30’s will be the right ones.